Are you frustrated by not getting what you need or want? If you’re like most people, you probably don’t get it because you cringe at the thought of confrontation. Others get what they want by being demanding or manipulative, but they damage their relationships in the process.
There’s a better way—negotiate. This act can help build trust in your relationships while benefiting both sides of the confrontation.
“The secret to great negotiators is that they’re great relationship-builders. They truly care about developing long-term relationships and helping the other side succeed,” says Linda Swindling, an attorney-mediator and author of a variety of business-related audiocassette programs, including Managing Your Manager: How to Negotiate With Your Boss.
Here are several of Ms. Swindling’s tips on becoming an effective negotiator.
Don’t think win-lose
The loser will have bad feelings and may not live up to his part of the bargain. The good news is that both sides rarely want exactly the same thing, so it’s possible for both sides to win. To avoid the win-lose mentality, think of partnering with the other side to solve your problem.
Allow the other side to participate
Because most people want to be involved in decisions that affect them, it’s essential to find out what the other side wants. Ask for their opinions and advice. Try to understand their fears and concerns. Before you meet, think through both the benefits and drawbacks of this deal from the other party’s side.
If your computer’s printer is very slow and you want your boss to buy you a faster printer, for example, determine why it’s in his or her best interest to do so. The fact you want one or that it will make your job easier aren’t really good reasons.
“However, if you explain that with a new printer you’ll be able to accomplish much more of your boss’ work, he or she may go out and buy it that day,” says Ms. Swindling.
Acknowledge each other’s interests
First, demonstrate that you understand the other side’s situation: “I understand you often have to meet deadlines, and I know our company doesn’t like to pay unnecessary overtime. I also realize you have to balance the budget between all the departments.”
Next, state your own interests: “Our printer is so slow that last night I had to stay at work until nine to complete the weekly report. I frequently have to work overtime to work on lengthy reports.”
Present many options
Brainstorm in advance with friends or co-workers so you can come to the negotiating table with many ideas. You might come up with some of these: a laser printer could be leased, so your boss could make low monthly payments; the printer could be paid for out of the company’s overtime salary budget; or your company could trade its products or services for a laser printer.
Offer to help
Even after coming to an agreement, other decisions must be made—which printer to buy, where to buy it and how to pay. Ms. Swindling suggests you “find ways to make the other side’s work easier. You could gather brochures on different printers and copies of advertisements to show your boss.”
Make the other side look good
People may have to sell your negotiation to others before a deal is possible. It’s important you give the other side the documentation they need to convince the people they report to that they made a good deal in the negotiation.
“Negotiation skills don’t develop overnight,” says Ms. Swindling. They take practice. Make a list of things you want and with whom you need to negotiate, then start negotiating. Why settle for what you have when you can get what you want and need by developing the lost art of negotiation?