Based on years of studies, counselors have clued into qualities that were found more often in happy marriages:
- Caring and affection – the wish to nurture a relationship, be romantic, and show appreciation.
- Sense of commitment and teamwork – the desire to make a relationship work together, whatever problems come up.
- Sense of humor – a six-year study of 130 marriages found that in happy, secure couples, the wives and husbands used humor as a way to handle conflicts.
- Flexibility – understanding that marriages and partners do not stay the same over time and respecting those changes. Partners need to learn new ways to negotiate problems.
- Acceptance – some qualities in partners may change, but some may not. Marriages work best when partners accept even the things they don’t like about each other.
- Positive view – studies have shown that when partners believed there was hope a relationship would get better, it often did.
Friendship, the ability to forgive, and communication – one of the most popular and important skills—also play a role. Couples who improve the communication in their marriage often feel more satisfied with their relationship. The key is for spouses to be clear about what they want and to listen carefully to each other.
Some family therapists believe that marriage is based on skills, which can be taught. If couples need help with their marriage, a number of psychologists have created marriage-education programs. Partners can learn problem-solving and communication skills that will lead to a stronger marriage.